In many Nigerian homes, one phrase echoes louder than encouragement:
“Look at your mates… do they have two heads?”
Meant to motivate, this phrase pushes children to compare themselves rather than embrace their unique strengths.
Why It Hurts
It encourages unhealthy comparisons.
Every child is unique. Constant comparison undermines confidence and creates unnecessary pressure, rather than inspiring growth.
It ignores individual differences.
Not all children have the same strengths, opportunities, or support. Success is never one-size-fits-all.
It damages communication.
Repeated comparisons make children afraid to open up, pushing them into emotional isolation.
It suggests conditional love.
Children start believing they are only worthy when they succeed, rather than feeling loved for who they are.
What to Say Instead
“Let’s talk about what’s holding you back.”
“What support do you need to do better?”
“Everyone’s path is different, and I’m here to guide you on yours.”
A Better Way Forward
Nigerian parents are passionate and loving, but true support comes through understanding and patience, not pressure.
At Citytop Schools, we believe in helping each child discover and grow at their own pace.
So next time you want to say, “Look at your mates…”, ask yourself:
Does my child need comparison or compassion?